Today I kept busy despite the invite from the ex. I talked to him yesterday and it just leads to frustration. I did stuff for me... washed car, AA meeting where I got to lead (start sharing), bought some stuff for mom and me, washed sheets, rested, did volunteer work, walked the doggie and visited a friend who lives walking distance, which is good. I mean when I get my intimacy and friendship and social needs met, I am less lonely for the ex. This is a major issue for me. There is still tonight. Saturday nights tend to be a bit lonely after my volunteer work. Last Saturday night I went over to see him. I realize I could deal with this as the steps - I am sort of powerless over him. I guess I am a relationship addict. I could pull out my books and take care of me. Even choosing to go home and make myself lunch is progress. I tended to go out to eat with him. He is sick. It is another hook - brings out caretaker in me. It is so frustating. I recommended something from the store and he says the cashier had never heard of it at the store I told him about, and they have it. Like I said, frustation. He recommended we go use the hot tub because we tend not to argue there. I don't think he gets there are issues. I am so tired of dealing with this. Anyway maybe when I refrain from giving into the pull I will gain some strength to stay away.