I'm glad I got to see my counselor yesterday.  I realize how I need to care for myself right now instead of investing in the ex, which is draining.  He did listen to my complaints Sunday about his pushiness and he said he's never going to ask me to do anything with him again, as opposed to how he is so needy and putting pressure on me to see me.  So I am left with neglect, because I have to face reality (painfully) that he is just not capable of much more than getting his needs met.  I mean I guess this makes it easier to let go, it was not the answer I was looking for.  I'm like I'm busy, give me a break, and he's like, forget it all.  It's either all or nothing, no happy medium.  Anyway it was hard not to call today. I see how he is never satisfied even when I do give in, and how easy it was to find a "fit" with him since I tend to seek to meet others needs and neglect myself, which fit him pefectly. Only I started to need to get better and this left him worse off, because he really does depend on me.  But I'm not really helping.  He needs a lot of help and I am not his mommy. I am working in the radio station's storage house, which is literally this old house that holds our storage, and fumbling through files dating back over 50 years, trying to organize them.  It is kind of neat if a bit aggravating. It helped so much to come online yesterday morning and vent, and release stuff and let it go.  I am working too (*&^$ much.  I know this is temporary.  In the meantime my bills are paid and Mom is getting some much deserved money I owe her. I went to Al Anon last night and it helps so much. It is a meeting with AA participation, and many of us are "double winners".  I am so glad I can go and hope I get a new work schedule that allows me to attend... I have to turn stuff like that over to God, because I worry and resent about stuff if I think it's not going "my" way, instead of remembering God's way is always  better than I could imagine. I got a big compliment from my sponsor.  She says I probably work a bette program than anyone she sponsors.  Wow!  She does recognize how I tend to beat myself up and how good I am at it, and she tells me to  find something else to do well.  I am not sure I even believe that comment, but I do trust her.  Wow.  I  guess I can believe it.  She knows I am pretty good at soul searching and dealing with stuff, if I tend to do it at a pace that I am not quite happy with.  Oh well!  Progress, not perfection. I am so grateful I went to daily meetings mostly for the first 3 years of my recovery.  Now that I am busy with work, I have a good foundation and I can sort of do without, though it's not ideal, I do have tools to use in the meanwhile besides meetings.  I do miss my regular meetings.