I missed my normal meetings this weekend.  The *&%$ started to hit the fan for me today.  It's like little things got to me, or maybe they're big things, they just did me in emotionally.  First, Mom was over aunt's with cancer with my other aunt from out of town.  My aunt from out of town was going to come home for the night with mom.  They changed plans and didn't keep me informed, so I wouldn't get to see my aunt and wasn't even told.  It hurt my feelings to feel once again like "an after thought".  I suppose when I was out there in my addiction for many years and wouldn't commit to anything, I contributed to not being "in the know".  Anyway I sure had trouble letting it go. Then a work problem superseded that one.  My coworker had a new person fill in for him with no warning.  I was ready to split when she showed up and I had to spend time training her.  There is not a lot of emphasis on training fill-in people when it comes to my supervisor, because she doesn't work in that department nor understand the need for training.  So the person filling in did not follow orders and a student ended up working on the wrong excersises for over an hour.  The minute I returned 2 hours later (on schedule) the student called on me to get him onto the next thing, when he should have been done with everything by then, only to realize he had been so far off course due to this women making a couple mistakes.  I guess I need to write a God Letter about that.  Basically I guess I felt it made me look bad that something I train students in daily there, this instructor did not get, or care; and this coworker told someone to fill in for him without seeing the need to have her come in early to be trained.  That really peeved me.  I have sort of let go of attempts to communicate with him because he doesn't seem invested in the work there.  The other coworker is someone I can open up to about issues so I included him in what was going on.  I vented on paper privately and showed Sis who is my supervisors assistant, and asked for feedback.  I was able to send a message to my supervisor and the other coworker who is invested there, letting them know some things we could have in place to prevent the problem.  I don't think I explained the problem very well.  People don't realize what is involved in what we do, so anyway I tried.  I guess I have not been able to let this go, though when I try I know how to let go and let God, I just have to DO it. So this weekend i showed up at the ex's and it did not go so well.  I end up going along though it is not what I want.  The next day I ended up complaining how he has this pattern of being pushy with me,  and I am soft spoken and want my no to mean no, and he just sees fit to just push my boundaries and I let him and end up feeling awful.  I am so sick of it and sure it has to do with my isolating from a meeting this weekend and my fed-up-ness on the job and w/ family today.  I hope my counseling appointment isn't cancelled today. Good news, my addict alcoholic cousin living with aunt w/ cancer, after 3 police calls regarding him 3 days in a row, his brother has taken him back to AZ to live.  Alcoholism could kill him rather soon.  My poor aunt and my poor cousin.  I am glad her sisters were there to help her through this.    You know we go through these ugly situations and in our ego and embarassment we want to keep others from knowing how bad things are and then we get in above our heads and need rescuing, instead of being open with our secrets and getting help and letting others help us.   I know I need meetings, I need to open up about some resentments I've latched onto the last week and tell my sponsor and God and see my part in them, and let go.  I need help in my codependency.  I am so grateful I found this Al Anon book "From Survival to Recovery".  All I can say is it has my name written all over it.  Funny how much something could apply to me and I could have spent all this lifetime not recognizing it.  I will go to an Al Anon meeting tonight that uses this book.  I found a copy at Amazon for very cheap (I think it was 1.99, and in excellent condition).  It gives me hope.  I also have hope in continuing counseling.  And I have faith in God to provide the right work for me, one day at a time.  A change in job schedule will happen in a couple weeks (like it tends to every 5 weeks) and I let my supervisor know I can work, and I am nervous about it, because it isn't the most well-run place.  I am filling in part of the time for someone on maternity leave who may not return.  Something may open up for me.  It is good money.  I just wish there were more attention given to doing a good job there, and more realizition of what is involved for the people that schedule the help there.  At least I have tried to do a part in addressing that.