I got to work on Saturday today.  I like my job, it is helping me feel better about myself.  I have a good car, I have more money than bills, and it's been YEARS since that, and I have a cute car.  Things are really improving since I got clean and sober. I enjoy doing my own hair.  I got it cut short 6 months ago and trim it on my own.  It looks good this time and it makes a big difference when I feel my hair looks ok.  I mean trimming it myself sometimes it turns out better than others!  I dated a hair dresser for almost 2 years and decided soon after that I could try it for myself and sometimes I quite like it.  I hadn't had a professional haircut in about 10 years before 6 months ago!   Well what is going on- the ex stopped by and we enjoyed eachothers company.  I guess he's been sick and was finally out of bed.  He's lost so much weight.  So I mean what is the use of having a journal if I am going to be afriad of being honest and being judged? I guess alot of it is sex and affection and love, and damnit he's being nice.  So I guess as far as it is concerned there is a honeymoon period in the cycles of abuse.  Oh God I guess this is what I have wanted for myself.  To have a lack of animosity and enjoy the good times.  I mean I have suffered so much in this relationship and if it is going good I guess I could just go w/ the flow.  So I appreciate the help here and maybe I am not strong enough to stay away at this time because I am in that 50% phase that is good.  OK I don't know what to say, just thanks for being here for me and I am truly sorry to be a disapointment....   What can I say? Something neat going on with me.  About 2 months ago I spent a day or two in silence. I mean not speaking. It am a bit of a loner so I can accomplish this.  My parents are out of town and it's just me and doggie and I can just practice listening and being quiet tomorrow.  This is my plan.  I just need some time to be with me.  I may break this to go to an AA meeting.  I don't know!  We'll see.