Thanks for the feedback on my journals.  I haven't been able to be online much and I miss being in closer touch. Little things started to get to me today.  I see on Myspace since my ex is still one of my friends (I never look at his page) now some of our mutual friends, or should I say his friends are requesting myspace "friendship" and I accept, but it is just harder to move on.  I am staying away from the meeting we attended mutually just to avoid his friends even though they were mine to some lesser degree, to move on.  So it seems to be defeating the purpose.  I do have few friends I am in touch with regularly and when things start to bother me it really is noticeable, especially when I reach out and it doesn't go so well.  I just started to cry tonight.  I am tired of being busy and being around busy people who have adapted.  I don't want to adapt to being stretched too thin. Today I went w/ mom for emotional support to visit her sis, my aunt who is living with cancer (and dying of it) and getting hospice care as of this week.  There was a meeting with the hospice nurse.  The thing is my cousin is an active alcoholic and he is the one giving her meds and there for her living w/ her and he is so out of it and his care is questionable to say the least.  He's just not capable and no one else is able to step up at this very point.  I would if I weren't working.  Mom and Dad are leaving for vacation for a week w/ aunt's approval.  When they come back she may come to be w/ us (she is about 60 miles away).  It must have been hard for me to see the cousin I was closest to (out of 4 boys they are all addict alcoholic) be so much worse off than the last time I saw him when his dad died 3 years ago.  Addiction, alcoholism.  He looks like a homeless person literally and he was so bright. My other cousin was there too and he is in recovery sober nearly 2 years, that is a blessing.  Sigh. Birthday party for the nephew today and I think for me being around family can be stressful.  I missed my normal meeting today for the events of the day and that is ok I just need to be in more meetings and working overtime during the week is just taking my time.  I am working an easier schedule so I am getting a lot more sleep which is good.  Sigh.  I had to leave the bbq early before food to come do volunteer work tonight.  I cried.  I didn't want to eat before everyone else.  I am also preferring vegetarian so literally I didn't have to wait for meat to be cooked but I didn't want to eat before everyone because of self consciousness.  Well I did get to go bowling w/ sis and parents and nephew and his friends and that was a lot of fun and a little exercise. I could go back to aunts tomorrow.  I need some "me time".  I haven't been to the gym in over a week.  I need a meeting tomorrow.  I have been walking daily. I drive by the ex's work almost every day on my way to work and I never look in the window.  I'm getting rather pist about the myspace thing, it is just silly.  His daughter started his profile page for him he doesn't even use it as far as I know.  It is not helping me move on having his friends "befriend" me there because nobody knows the horror I have been through with him and I'm not about to tell them.  I need validation from people who care which is why I use my counselor and my friends with experience with counseling in domestic violence and the physical and emotional abuse group here.  Part of me wishes I could not get bothered by his friends on myspace because it... ok I am rambling... it hurts.  I don't have close friends like I need.  I need real friends not myspace friends.  I have friends here and that helps and thank you for reading this and all your support here it means A LOT.  PS  Bunny got away again.  This time she hasn't been found.  She wasn't as secure as we thought.