Here I am at work at my new temporary job.  I usually won't  be able to be online much here, so this is a rare treat to get caught up with my friends' journals. I like the accountability here from saying I'll do stuff and remembering this weekend I ought to do it.  I did darken my hair temporarily which was fun the first day, it's pretty subtle.  I went to the Renaissance Faire and had fun walking around and looking around.  I enjoy the atmosphere there very much.  It was my first time doing it without drinking.  I had to "play the tape through" and I went from feeling deprived and uncomfortable to feeling grateful I was sober - no depression, hangover, embarassment from acting (fill in the blank), just feeling healthy and good.  I decided to leave early instead of force myself to stay on longer and force myself to have more fun.  I saw cute men and couldn't even look at them.  I am still healing from the breakup and have a lot of fear of men now.  I enjoyed being there and loved the cute pink checkered halter dress mom made for herself when I was a kid and black leather lace up boots.  I felt cute. I went and played a part in a friends film.  I was a vampire victim.  It was pretty fun.  I enjoy "acting". I am so grateful for my counselor.  Going there is helping me identify some of my thinking and my experience.  I have not heard from the ex.  It is hard to let the cards land where they fell.  I tend to want to fix things to be prettyer, and this situation is not pretty.  I am glad I am not "going there" because I realize it is pretty futile to try to make things "pretty". Little bunny did now show up yesterday.  She is free bunny in our yard.  I don't know what's become of her.  It's been quite hot and she stays hidden in thick brush and shade.  I am a little sad and concerned.  I am not home enough to see her enough.  Our yard is big.  I know she is prey to things like hawks and coyotes, and I guess it's possible she slipped out though I doubt it.  I am sad about it. I got a call back from my evening job so it looks I'm like back to working some overtime, though thankfully w/ earlier hours.  I am a little disappointed as the last month of overtime has been hard and now I have another one.  I am glad I am taking the opportunity.  The money will go towards personal debt to my mom, which will make me feel better. In my last couple hours of my temporary job last week that lasted 2 months, there was an order from the supervisor to come remove the 2nd computer monitor where I did all my "extra" online stuff (the first monitor is for the computerized switchboard).  I got a rush of anger and defensiveness though I did not act on it at all. That is the type of supervisor he is, not to say anything to me just do something.  I felt it had to be because I used it for online recreational stuff like my coworker I am replacing does, though she uses it also for work related purpose of email (I did not have work email).  We do use it for the work website to give out information.  So I left him a message that we can no longer open a 2nd window to use the work website or email for the regular employee.  I felt so bad she had to come back to work without access to computer now.  I am sure they will replace it.  Was I out of line for using computer for recreation?  I was never told. I have a little trouble letting it go.  I went outside to breathe and got some water and got a book from my car and I just enjoyed my last afternoon there.  I called the evening employee to "warn" him to bring a book next time as the monitor may not be replaced soon enough.  I found out the order to remove it took about 10 days for it to get done.  Sigh.  I felt a little guilty for using 2nd monitor to "play" while I worked.  I don't know why it was taken and I guess I have to live with that and realize it may be because of me or it may not be.  They moved it to a different desk in the department in another building, but I was told they have monitors laying around so they didn't necessarily need that one.  I don't know! Maybe it's completely unrelated.