I got news that this temporary receptionist position will continue for a couple more weeks.  I am able to be online here while working and I have a view and I see my supervisor in passing about once a week (I love working independently).  It is good news yet I am missing sleep and free time since I am working a few hours at my part time job in the evenings, too.  I am able to read at that job, so it is not hard "work" usually. I read the posts to my journal and I appreciate the feedback.  I started feeling angry yesterday about  being with the man in my life.  At lunch time I took a long walk, something I've neglected to do for myself lately.  I think it got some emotions in motion, and I think just realizing what happened with him this weekend was starting to settle in.I suppose what was good about the time with him was the physical affection part, though I realize it is not healthy for me because emotionally our relationship is not healthy.  I am learning that to be healthy I need to stop overlooking this tendency in myself, to be intimate with someone who I am not in an emotionally healthy relationship with. I am so glad I get to see my counselor today. I guess I'm just tired of settling for the differences between us and for when he is hurtful towards me.  SIGH. Well life goes on.  I am getting better at pursuing my life and interests instead of waiting to mold them around him.  I guess I work too much to have a whole lot of a life outside of work right now (thank God for you all at DS).  I have very little time at home with my family and pets.  I don't want to continue on this path of seeing him on my weekend.  I really can't blame him, it is my choice to go be with someone who I don't see a future with, and he knows this, he just wants what he wants, and that feels hurtful to me. I have plans to go to Rennaisance fair and to play a dead body in a friends vampire film.  I need to pursue what interests me. I think when someone really loves you they will sacrifice what they want in order for you to have what you need.  Even like his comment that he hopes my job ends so he can have time with me seems very selfish.  Who will support me???  Anyway I am going to continue my lunch time walk today and just keep my pursuits in order and stop making him the center of my world, which I have come quite a ways in doing but still have a ways to go. Well I went to a newer AA meeting for me last night.  I have this thing that happened near New Years.  I took medicine that contained alchohol.  Instead of spitting it out I took it as prescribed, 2 teaspoons 3 times a day for a week.  It had 18% alcohol.  Any questioning that I am alcholic was really tested because I had cravings and using dreams like mad.  Anyway about changing my sobriey date because of it, I didn't, because I was taking medicine not a drink.  So I still feel like a fraud for claiming 3 years sober because damnit, I had alcohol in my system medicinally.  So I shared about that.  It is so hard for me.  I wish I spit the stuff out, I thought I could handle it.  I am seeing though I consciously took it for the medicine I knew it contained alcohol and I continued to take it, but not for the effects of the alcohol, for the herbs prescribed.  Damn.  I am still struggling with this.  If I changed my sobriety date to reflect this I feel like that is not honest, if I don't change date I feel like that is not honest.  I know it's an individual thing.  I know some people who are in AA have probably taken Nyquil and not changed their sobriety date, it is a similar thing.  I didn't realize this medicine had alcohol until I took it, and I convinced myself it was ok, but part of me thought I should change my date because I swallowed it.  Part of me thinks to change my date would mean I was ingesting a drink, and I wasnt. SIGH.