Well the weekend was eventful in ways.  I got to go to a meeting and have some fellowship which was special, much needed, not getting enough.  I saw my sponsor which is always nice.  I got home to a bunny delivered by my off and on bf.  I have not seen him in over a week.  The doggie treated the bunny ok when she was running around the yard, then he chased her a bit and it was a little concerning, anyway besides that he was kind to her.  I told the bf it may be better if he keeps her because of my busy schedule.  In the meantime I told him I'd take it a day at a time.  He is willing to keep her if I want.  Mom is sort of attached to her, and she thinks it's good for the dog to have some company.  It has been interesting.  A pet as a gift.  If it weren't for mom I wouldn't feel comfortable because of how busy I am tending to be. He was grumpy yesterday and I stayed away.  I am needing to reaffirm some limits I have established that he just doesn't get.  It's like he wants to talk me out of what isn't healthy for me.  I see he has been suicidal in the last several months (I called 911 after he threatened to kill himself and he want to a psychiatric hospital).  It has been so hard.  He makes this morbid art I am sick of seeing in his room and he takes it down when I get there, and I told him I don't see a future for us.  He's growing in one direction and I'm growing in my own.  He draws this stuff I find sick and I don't want to be around it, it doesn't bother him so he doesn't get it, even though he says he does.  He is a tattoo artist now and this morbid art is popular and he gets attention for it and to me it is too disturbing, depicting death and torture.  I understand it may be therapeutic for him in someways to me I just am too uncomfortable with it.  Oh God and he buys me a bunny, so the guy is not all dark and disturbed.  SIGH. Saw a friend in hospital following cancer surgery, she is doing well.  And saw my aunt in hospital yesterday who has cancer, she is doing well overall.  I saw a cousin who is my family buddy in 12 step recovery program, it is neat we are bonding over this.  I am happy for him.  I am proud of mom for stepping up to see her sis/my aunt, she tends to avoid dealing with it, I try to encourage her.  I am so glad I got to see her yesterday. Something happened I need to deal with.  First let me say I have experience with prophetic dreams that run in the family, nothing major usually, just like dream of someone having a haircut and I see them and they have one, whatever.  It is not odd or surprizing to me, it just is. It happens pretty frequently.  Mom told dad she dreamed of him having another woman and she had trouble with her teeth.  He laughed and looked a little embarassed.  There was no defensiveness or compassion.  Part of me wanted to scold him, like wish he had morals and something I could look up to, and I just decided I can't make him be that, I have to accept him as he is.  Later she tells me she doesn't expect him to be faithful since he cheats in so many other areas of his life (true).  I guess I am dealing with grief and loss first to see my dad who he is and next to see my mom settling for it.  I can't blame my own situation on them it is my responsibility to work on how my family issues have set me up for my own shortcomings.  It is just so uncomfortable for me, and quite upsetting.  I tried not to judge either of them.  It is heavy for me.  Growing up in an environment where issues were either ignored completely or not acknowledged as meaningful when they were brought up is a tough pattern to get myself out of, in learning I don't need to put myself in those situations today where I don't need to.  The next day I heard him on the cell phone with a woman, I mean he plays games like bridge and stuff with people, anyway it was a little more concerning this time. This is why I know in dealing with my patterns I need to go way back and reform my early beliefs I learned about what is familiar and comfortable versus what is healthy for me today.  What is familiar isn't healthy for me.