Counseling was good yesterday. I am seeing where I am stuck with this gentleman in my life. I mean we're talking 15 1/2 months of a relationship where more than half has been off and on, increasingly off (2 months was the length of the last absense since seeing him 2 1/2 wks ago). I laid it all out during our argument Sunday. It didn't have to be an argument. I told him things I am uncomfortable with and can't handle. Of course he just thinks it is a matter of compromise for me because he is not uncomfortable. I told him I don't see a future for us. I told him it is not healthy for me. He continues to wonder if I will call him anymore or if I am planning to not call him. I told him to not pressure me, I am not feeling too well lately (not quite surrendering to a cold this week) and I am way too busy (full time temporary job and new part time job). Spending my day off with him Sunday was NOT in my best interest. I tell him how things affect me. I learn in counseling though he says he understands he sure doesn't act like it. I tell him I meant what I said. I tell him I don't have energy to deal w/ our problems. I tell him he doesn't hear a word I said. He just doesn't get it. I told him he should have left me alone like I asked him to (2 1/2 months ago). Even if I tell him to leave me alone he really doesn't completely.It is up to ME to remember these boundaries and limits I have and stop waiting for him to understand and respect them, because he can't/won't. I have to set them. I don't have to call him back if I don't want to. I am so tired of the disrespect. It is not healthy for me to be with this man. He doesn't get it and it is up to me to let that fact go and decide and ACT on what is right for me.
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I must also say I did send other \"mixed\" messages other than those above. Those above are what I need to affirm. It is difficult.... it is do-able.
yes it is doable and u have really come along way fr the journals of urs i was reading a few mnths ago. its that once we get healthy/sober lives for ourselves our outlook changes drastically. (for me neway) we begin to c things that our addictions were masking from us. we c things as they really are! and realize tht we are most definately worth alot more than we\'ve allowed ourselves to believe. and i do kno that its hard when u have been in a relationship for so long, even when its not a healthy one (these r the only ones i knew for the longest time) to just cut all ties. but i see u gaining ur self respect and self confidence little by little, and i think that u soon will be the one to do what right for YOU for once and for all. im so proud of u. juskeep in mind, u kno and have said many times urself that this man is not going to change. but its obvious that u are, and for the better. so its only a matter of time my dear. God bless u!
you are saying very healthy things in regards to what you know to be your truth, and what you know is not good for you or desireable. The next step is making sure those boundaries are firmly in place and not compromising what you hold important to you. When you have your boundaries firmly in place, you will only attract those who respect you and feel the same way about you as you do about yourself.
Love and Respect,
L.
Good for you! He does not sound like he loves/respects you, he is completely selfish. I am so happy for you that you took this step. Stick to it. There are other fish in the sea. I know I sound like repetitive, but I remember telling my ex, \"It\'s over. Leave me alone.\" and this would go on for months and months. I was sick of the limbo and then he said, \"Let\'s commit and get engaged.\" So I committed myself to him 100%. This lasted a few days and one day he looked at me (out of the blue) and said, \"Are you sure we should be together?\" I wanted to rip his head off. (sorry I know this is about you not me but it is deja vu! and I\'m with you.) I\'m glad you\'re taking back control of your life! XOXO hugs! chels