This time the job "offer" was offered officially.  It hasn't settled in yet.At first when it was offered last week on TV I saw a drink and the thought occured to "celebrate" with a drink (with 3 years sobriety - NOT).  My sponsor reminded me I can celebrate with something bubbly like apple cider, not fermented!  It is good to see there are alternatives.I have to call the human resources department and set up new hire orientation and training.  It is very part time and will most likely change into something else since I am filling in for someon on leave.  Anyway they want me to get my foot in the door.I have been so tired.  I cried last night I got grumpy with my off & on boyfriend.  I said some valid things but in a rude way and ended up apologizing.  I was sad to call off a special meeting.  My new job won't let me go there and a great friend is also having his last meeting there for now because of a changed work schedule, I was disappointed and just decided I needed rest more.  I can't walk around exhausted and prone to error/accident.  So I am a bit worried about adding an extra 3 hours of work to this schedule 4 nights a week.  Both jobs are relatively easy I think I just require a lot of sleep (I can do 10 hours a night and feel good).  this current full time job will only last for a few more weeks so I just need to BE HERE NOW and BREATHE and MEDITATE and take care of myself and eat well and PRIORITIZE.I'm such a private person the man in my life knows about the news and my sis and her hubby because she referred me.  I have yet to tell Mom, I guess I tend to wait until it's  "for sure" thing especially if it is something important.  Dad is sort of preoccupied with his gambling (he is a major addict though he does make a living at it).  I have told a few friends/aquaintances but not in detail.  It's a big deal to get a job that pays twice as much per hour as I've been paid in other jobs.  WOW.So the man in my life I did tell him what's up I've shared here.  He said sometimes he can be insensitive that he doesn't SEEK to be.  I had to laugh.  He can be sweet.  Anyway he is wanting to be more considerate which is a good sign at least it feels better than him not caring.  It is all about balance and prioritizing I don't need pressure to deal with our problems I need freedom to care for myself and I am not feeling very cared for by him.  The past several months he has been on this downward spiral of terrible stuff and just now he is starting to do a little better.  I have this caretaker tendency and I don't want that with him, he is an adult.  I mean he needs a biopsy.  What if he has lung cancer? I tell him I am too tired to deal with our issues, that I don't have the energy.  I am totally wanting to be there for him through this cancer scare because I feel I am supposed to, and I mean that.  It's just to deal with our issues and expect myself to be "perfect" is totally unrealistic.I think it is very hard to try to get affirmation for my feelings from people that discount them and even their own feelings (story of my life).  I know how easy it is to run from our feelings some people for a lifetime.  It has been a long road to validate and consider my own feelings.  I still tend to avoid them with busy activities or preocupations (such as caretaking). I need to affirm them and assert myself.