Well here I am and this weekend my ex told me he planned to see me, to show up and see me after 2 months and I said OK.It is hard for me to think about telling my sponsor, mom, counselor at the domestic violence agency and some of you who have supported me here through this off and on breakup that I am seeing him again.  I NEED to be honest in order to have recovery.  Anyway I went to my home group and shared about it last night.  He is doing better and has a few days clean and sober after relapsing on pills and more.  I guess we still love eachother and are still attached and I am glad he is doing better.  He has a bad case of post traumatic stress disorder and apparently getting back on medication for depression has been really good for him.It has been such a roller coaster ride and for some reason it is familiar to be with this person who when it is good the relationship has a best friend & lover quality and gives me an opportunity to challenge my character shortcomings. Easier said than done.  I just want God's love to come through me.  The distance we have initiated between eachother has been necessary at the time.  I guess I have doubts - his history of instability, dealing with the past emotional abuse, his relapse, his stuff, my reaction to it.  Anyway this is the way it is and I NEED to be honest.  I am a sex and love addict who is not in recovery for this and I guess it is time to let myself admit this and stop the shame and wanting to keep this secret that sometimes I get myself into situations that have caused me trouble.It was nice in some ways and in another way it is an opportunity to save my life - continue to pursue my interests and recovery instead of putting my life on hold to focus on him in my codependent tendencies, which come out so easily as I have watched him go through SO much DRAMA.