Thursday, February 28, 2008

I have a lot of gratitude today. I feel very blessed with this temporary job where I am truly happy and enjoying it.  I really enjoyed the speaker at the meeting I attended last night, it meant a lot to me.  It made me think of my exboyfriend SO MUCH.  He was in recovery and had a very similar story to his, with exceptions, which is why this guy is still clean and sober and living his dream and my ex ISN'T.  What is missing.  Beleif in GOD and maybe church. Having a dream.  Doing the steps thoroughly.  Being of service to other people.  Being around people in recovery.  Being true to yourself.  Appreciating the gift of sobriety and the opportunities that come with it.  Sponsoring.  I  could relate it to my own life.  It was really really special to me.  I miss my ex, I miss what we had, it is hard to see he is not the same, in there somewhere is that special person.  He just turned away from God, meetings, honesty.  Stuff came up in his life that was too painful for him to handle, a few things.  His reliance on a higher power stopped, and he went back to what he knows.  I can use this as a learning experience.I had an interesting dream about him last night.  I miss him.  I have a life.  We love eachother.  He knows it is not healthy for me to be around him relapsing, aside from all the other problems we've had.  He probably has lung cancer and isn't treating that or his mental health issues as he is back on drugs.  It is truly sad.  It might be the best closure I can get for now.  In the meantime if I focus on what I'm grateful for in my life it will go easier for me.  The opportunities I face every day are truly a gift if I choose to recognize it.