Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Last night was really nice.  I am glad to be connecting with a friend who is extremely understanding and supportive.  I feel so lucky to have her support and friendship.  Last night was nice to talk and get to know eachother.  I have a lot of work to do in social skills, I guess sometimes I'm better than others.  Anyway it was nice to have some friend time for me.I have been rising early for new temporary job and I am really loving it here, I get to answer phones and I have this big beautiful desk with windowed walls and a nice view, and students and faculty (it is a college environment).  It is so good for me, and I get to use computer and have some privacy here and I am really very  blessed.  I have been falling asleep early and this has been really nice.Well as far as the ex boyfriend, in a way it is helpful to go back and talk more and learn more.  He no longer has his sobriety he had nearly 3 years, scary, and he understands it is not healthy for me to be around someone who is using, it is actually dangerous for me, being in recovery myself, it could likely lead to slipping.  This is an old pattern, use what the boyfriend uses, and anyway today it is my responsibility to choose other things.  It is really important for me to think about the people who have been in my life and who are in my life and stop mentally putting all my eggs in one basket with him and realize there are other people out there, it is so draining for me to get caught up in his stuff but it was really nice to send a message of hope to him.  I am realizing that the 12 steps are awesome and they are in order for a very important reason.  I need to remember what step I am on, not him, I know he is back at step 1, trying to manage his use, anyway it is just insanity and it is taking a while to process and accept everything.