Last night was neat. Here I went to take a sobriety cake at one of my meetings, and my friend-in-program was taking a cake for 3 years, same as me, and we blew out our candles together. It makes me want to cry (PMS-ing and more prone to crying again). She has a cancer diagnosis and is going for surgery next month. She said for the first time in her life she is happy - she doesn't have the great job she used to or medical insurance, but in sobriety and with a God in her life she is HAPPY. Wow. I too can relate to having more contentment (usually) than any other time in my life no matter WHAT my circumstances. I am so grateful to be in recovery for my pot addiction and alcoholism. As I shared I talked about the drama my ex has been going through, it is just SO insane. I still miss him, what we had, the loving connection despite the shortcomings. It is hard to let him go. The drama is really ugly I guess I feel like I have abandoned him but he made his choices, I need to take care of myself not let his problems affect me to the point where I'm unhealthy. This is the process of letting go.I realized after work and before the meeting I took a bath and laid down for a few minutes, and wow, I have not realized how in being so busy (work, computer, meetings, coming and going, walking dog, TV) I have not taken time to be and process the loss of the last couple weeks - my God, he could have cancer and has relapsed and he was deceitful and emotionnally hurtful and he is leaving me alone like I asked. This hurts. He was my best friend and lover and we were starting to reconnect and heal over the phone, and I'd wanted to take him juice when he had pneumonia, anyway I just need some downtime to process stuff. Home is not so great sometimes, my parents/roomates sometimes I just want to be alone, I think I handle it pretty well I just guess I need to relax and sometimes I don't feel relaxed there. The walks and yoga help me deal with stress a lot. I want to be grateful for my home and my parents, I need this attitude of gratitude not victim-role complaints.Tonight would be the meeting where I went with my ex, it is birthday night for the month, and I know this place is somewhere that I am more prone to hear about ex or possibly see him (he says he doesn't go there anymore, his word is not too valid) anyway I don't know if I'll go. Counselor said during PMS when I feel like I am more prone to "go off" on ex or just be overly sensitive, to stay away this week, and I wish it wasn't such a loss, it just hurts, at the same time I just don't know if I am thinking I SHOULD be there because that is where I started, but it is not in my best interest right now because of my NEED to heal and move on. I leave it in God's hands.