Yesterday I heard from Ex Boyfriend.  Anyway I continue to consider his invitations and say no.  We did have our most normal chit chat conversation we haven't had in ages, I mean he was so mentally sick for so long it just wasn't happening.  I notice since his suicide attempt I have refrained from any attempts to act codependently except for trying to explain his emotional and verbal abuse and how it's affected me.  Anyway that is big for me to not get caught up in him and how he's doing.  I even told him something about me that has gone on, something I haven't done, it felt vulnerable.  I told him about the medicine I took that contained alcohol and that I almost changed my sobriety date because I thought I could handle it and it really messed with my head, medicine containing alcohol for someone who is in AA is NOT a good idea, even though I took it as prescribed.  Anyway I had started to tell him and said nevermind and he said tell me, and I told him.  It just feels safer not to tell him anything about my life at this point, so that was a stretch for me.  Another thing about him is he doesn't remember things I tell him about myself which hurts, maybe there is some self protection there. Anyway I am glad a lot of the anger is gone and sadness is gone.

I have been attempting to offer support and encouragement on the marijuana addiction group here and I know I am as it seems the only one who posts there who is in recovery, meaning working a 12 step program and who has any established clean time.  Anyway it is interesting to see how I used to be from what I read, and it is helpful for me to see my growth this way.  It is a little frustrating to feel like there is not a lot of support for me there and more for me to give and that it is not obvious if it is received, but this is part of recovery, sharing experience, strength and hope.  It is exciting.  It is also bringing up some codependency in me like, I can help you, take my suggestion pleeeaaase... LOL

I am staying busy otherwise it would be easier to say yes to Ex, "I'll see you for a walk or lunch or dinner or an ice cream..." Anyway it feels  good to put weight on my plans and stick to them.  I have a closet that is not nearly sorted I'm working on (clutter!), a new temporary job that has me tired, meetings, going to the gym, caring for doggie while parents/roomates are still out of town, and using the house and computer on my own while they are gone (it's been years since I've lived alone and it has been nice).

Thanks for the support here I guess I am doing better.