Today Mom asked if I Ever chose a good guy.  I realize now it was critical and I am learning to be less self critical.  I said I no one is perfect and all good or all bad and I overlooked some stuff and I will say this last relationship should have ended sooner.  I said I am in counseling now.  Anyway I am just learning how to deal with this critical mom who tends to get in people's business. I am underemployed again and feeling a bit guilty for moping around probably more than is fair as far as being under her roof.  It is an overwhelming topic for me.  I ate A Lot of sugar yesterday and tend to feel run down the day after this, hoping to see this pattern and Stop It so tomorrow is not another run down feeling day.  It does feel good to get some rest and down time if I allow it. I have the temp agency I work for considering me for a postion for a place I would like to work so I am hoping this goes well. I am enjoying using my gym membership for the jacuzzi, pool, sauna, steam room and cool dip, I find it leaving me relaxed and calm. Well I cried yesterday when I talked to my sponsor about my ex.  She reminded me it was not a clean break or pretty ending.  So it is a little messy.  I have a lot of feelings inside I guess I am used to keeping there.  Using sweets like ice cream is a way of stuffing feelings down.  I am sort of apprehensive to do the anger exercizes my counselor suggested, though I am doing the walking and thinking about what it is I am letting go of. I am learning to let go of the past, and the future.  I am learning a lot of my issues with the situation with my ex are due to problems with boundaries.  I am learning to not blame him for what is my responsibility and to not take on his stuff.  This makes letting go easier.  I can never make him take responsibility for the stuff he has put me through.  It is tough.  I suppose learning he is not honest is something I overlooked for so long, or didn't realize I couldn't control or change it, it just became so blatant and now it gives me a reason to not try to communicate with someone who isn't honest, it would be insane, as it was (and very hurtful and dishonoring to me). I realize looking back at the various breakups in my life, I do not regret any, though tend to see they did not come soon enough when things took a wrong turn. I just walked doggie half hour and it felt really good.  That is a gift to myself.