I often want to cry.  I know I have some work to do to process some of the emotions of this breakup sadness/anger.  I guess I get too comfortable living with the discomfort.   I was thinking about the void left behind that he filled, and how I need to fill that with something besides him that included such negative stuff that eroded me away, leaving a bigger void.  And I don't want to fill it with that same negative stuff. Oh my God. Here I am doing volunteer work and the phone rang and I didn't want to answer it, though I did and it was HIM.  I havent talked to him since the whole disaster a few weeks ago.  I immediately hung up.  It is creepy.  I don't hate him I just asked him to please not contact me and it is so hurtful that he still contacts me after I said those things.  Now I feel guilty and all that stuff.  The part of me that wants to run back to him is that physical affection and sex part.  I know I need to talk to my counselor about this stuff and get a massage and go to some meetings where I can get some more hugs.