I am really sad a friend here chose to leave because she wasn't feeling the mutual support.  I had her on my mind a lot and just knew I wasn't reciprocating in a way that  let her know, and now it is too late.  Anyway it was difficult. I am doing ok.  I did some writing about the recent situation with the ex and I got to see how dysfunctional and self centered some of my fears and resentments are, and I gave them to God, it is a process of letting go. Anyway I do feel like I am taking care of myself and enjoy reading and doing my daily activities.  The phone has been really quiet since he is leaving me alone.  There have been moments I wanted to call, and I don't, realizing he is not honest with me and there really is no need.  He did send me a package of a few things I gave him that he didn't need, including some pictures, and a letter.  I cried.  I wrote a long letter expressing myself and DIDN'T send it, I put it in my GOD BOX (someplace to put things to turn over for God to deal with).  It helped a lot to cry and see my expressions and know I don't NEED to express them to him. I ran into a very good friend of his (one of his biggest fans I would say) who asked me #1 about my short hair cut and #2 what happened after she thanked me for calling the police on him (I reported his suicied plan he threatened).  I am proud I said I didn't want to talk about it, and it was pretty obvious she didn't have much else to say, so it was sort of painful as I like her and I am lonely for friendship, but it is better to get my own friends who are supportive of ME.  I didn't think it was the time or place to discuss it and I really have a pet peeve about people asking me personal questions about private matters that I did not myself to make public when they otherwise don't talk to me on such a personal level.  Why didn't she ask him herself???  Oh well.  Anyway that's been my fear, wanting to avoid people at meetings because I don't want my hair and my boyfriend to be the only topic people bother to talk to me about, leave me alone already!  I tend to want to be invisible.   I am very grateful I have a good friend who has been there for me through this and is a good role model and understands, and she is also friends with him so she knows what is going on, and we have grown close.  I am grateful I have a very helpful counselor, she told me she missed my writing (I read her my story I wrote).  I am back with her after an absense of over 2 years.  I am grateful I have a sponsor who I am accountable to and who I do not hide things from.  This really helps to read my writings to and have someone safe who doesn't judge who allows me to have negative stuff I need to get out to deal with and process. Anyway being single right now is feeling good.  I am enjoying my new gym membership I use exclusively for the jacuzzi and sauna and stuff, maybe I'll take a yoga or belly dance class there sometime, that would be really good for me.  I am pretty shy there and some people I think get offended that I do not talk easily, anyway I am there for me not to meet people necessarily, especially men.  Anyway that was sort of wierd today.  I do try to be friendly however I can spot a person who does not respect my boundaries and who dislike it when I stick to them.  This is good practice for me though it is kind of challenging.