Today I wanted to come on and mention my temporary job ended and it had allowed me to be online regularly, now my online use is unpredictable.I have maintained distance from the exboyfriend, he is medicated and doing better since leaving the hospital.  I haven't spoken with him at all.  I have had days in bed alternating with productive days, and the shock of the breakup is starting to settle in.  I have a hard time not wanting to blame him for my pain and  try to take responsibilty for my need to look at my codependency and fix this so I do not carry this same sort of pattern forward, as this current situation is uncomfortably familiar to me in a general sort of way as far as relationships go.  I am also looking at my own possibility of mental health issues which is really hard to admit, just it sort of explains being drawn to unstable people.  I am reading about borderline personality disorder and it is of interest to me at this time.  I think the title is something like "You don't have to walk on eggshells" and I am relating a lot in a way I hadn't really anticipated.  I guess I have that fear of abandonment.  I think another book title on the subject is something like "I hate you, don't leave me" which I find intersting.Anyway that is what is going on with me.  I am trying to do things for myself, though I am quite drained at times.  I am getting a little too caught up in self pity.  I cried a lot after I got the message from him accepting my request to not contact me, it's like letting go is going to take support a day at a time...