Christmas holiday involved much last minute preparation with gift purchases and cleaning for me, and I'd come down with a head cold (still fighting it though back to work today!). I felt bad for mom who got overwhelmed with her typical gourmet meal and gifts for the family, and I enjoy helping her prepare and was limited, not wanting to spread germs, and I felt so bad she runs herself ragged and I tend to feel responsible, and was disappointed she didn't get help with the dishes afterwards, deciding I didn't want to spend time in the kitchen so as to limit getting anyone sick.  Oh well! I had a hard time seeing her get grumpy when down to the last wire in preparation and clearly needing a good rest. I guess I tend to kick in my codependency in these situations, determining my sense of usefullness and self esteem on how good of a helper or fixer I am (sick I guess).  Anyway much needed rest was accomplished yesterday, the day after our celebration (typically on Christmas Eve).  I spent a bit more $ than I'd planned, all in fun.  I guess I tend to get the blues after Christmas, after all the excitement, then tended to count on Birthday a few days later  (Dec 29)to "make up" for any disappointment remaining from Christmas, I'm starting to be aware of this.  I haven't really celebrated my birthday in a big way in I don't know how long, which is ok for me.  Anyway just trying to take care of myself as I tend to overlook my needs.