I told my sponsor I have seen my ex a few times.  I don't like getting her involved in this as it is so messy such drama and not good for me to be in this situation.  I ran into him at cafe and we talked and I ended up standing up for myself and he was hostile like he tends to be and I just left, then we talked and I guess came to a bit more understanding.  I see how messed up he is and I just don't like how it affects me, and I NEED to stop blaming HIM because it is ME who chooses to hang around him.   We actually had an ok day spending the day together though he is my main social person and this is not healthy for me.  I did go to an Al Anon meeting today and this is so helpful for me and reminds me I NEED to work this program, ask for a sponsor and take some steps. I am here at counselors office.  I stopped seeing her a couple years ago and this is something short term I am hoping helps me get on the way towards some healing.  I also hope to go to an AA meeting following this if I am not completely wiped out from counseling. I missed work today.  It's a temp job and we're almost done with our project.  I didn't want to leave the house at 5am today, it's been 4 weeks of this and today, I said NO!  I also felt guilty.  I mean I did spend my one day off yesterday out with him all day - lunch, dinner, walk dog, shopping, tv, cuddling, talking... So I have some ways to go.  I do need to recognize what is good about me and progress I do make.