I come home to a dozen roses and cry a little, it's not even our anniversary because we're not even together!  I had told him, I don't want to get back together and break up again, why can't we just love eachother?  I need to love me, and see the huge red flags.  He's been suicidal.  He's depressed, I'm down and so irritable from a busy schedule lately.  He is not  bringing out the best in me, due to my feelings about him and the stuff I've dealt with.  Oh God please help me I am in limbo, do I go to dinner knowing it is not like a year ago when he asked me to be "his"?  Do I not go and accept I can't handle this right now?  Do I go and risk losing it with him like I have been since we've been in contact?.. raising my voice, being critical and hard on him, being negative and so codependent.  I give it up to God, I would rather not carry this drama forward any further and all I can do is check my attitude and stop trying to get blood from a turnip.