Today I got up after a long night's sleep.  I am feeling a bit irritable.  It is so hard to have my mate be replaced by this mean spirited person.  I composed text messages i didn't send him.  I still have not contacted him.  His attempts to contact me were limited to one night and were very irrational and hurtful.  I am very grateful I have the feedback and support from this group to LEAN on in times like these when I want to defend myself or get closure or reach out to him.  It is hard to stay away. I have an evening out planned I'm sort of nervous about.  Yesterday I went and soaked in hot springs and used the steam room and sauna and mud bath.  I wanted to do the same today.  It feels good.  I wish I weren't so emotionally numb about my breakup.  I feel I have things to express.  I went home and made dinner and went to bed early.I guess I'm trying to stay busy and focus on what I can do instead of feeling stuck about what I can't seem to do which is find the love between my mate and I that has been lost.  At the same time I'm worried about him and no he is a lot worse off than I am.  I have to listen to what God wants me to do and I am not sure abandoning him without putting things out the way I see it is best.  It just seems any communication with him leads to further harm. Prayer.