One week solid w/ no communication whatsoever with my supposed ex-boyfriend (no official break up this time yet it is unofficial).  God! I've been busy working and on here and on free time I watch a little tv and did some shopping and did some cleaning.  I also had a lot of sweets lately, which seem to be a way to stuff feelings.  I am seeing here from someone who wrote a clear letter to her mate she's leaving, how I truly need to process and accept what happened.  I guess I am remembering I have a sense of defense.  I have truly been wronged and at the same time I have some very sad feelings about how I let myself be so vulnerable with my truth however irrational, true, or untrue it may be (I do not know if my suspisions which he so forcefully discounted and raged about and rejected me because, if they are true.  It doesn't matter.  What is true is he doesn't treat me nicely). I am having a hard time because he's got this new career and I suppose I have some envy that he is so successful now that we're apart.  I know he will move on so fast he is so popular and it is really hard for me being a natural loner.  It is hard for me to see him have this successful career and know that I won't be part of his life.  I think about how I built him up and how I felt he tore me down.  I just stay away.  I stay away from where I met him my home AA meeting.  I guess I have some resentment there.  I have some work to do.  I have some negativity to give to God.  I have a lot of anger.  I know it is not best to communicate with him in anyway.  It still hurts so much to be rejected by him.  I am grateful I trusted my instinct when it came to me not wanting to spend time with his family or at his job, knowing this last time around I told him "It's just gonna happen again" (him breaking up w/ me) and he said "I know".  So why should I invest at that level?  Why did I invest in the other levels - I wanted to help and I love the man and I am invested in him.  Now it is time to invest in me.