Glad for this forum.  I'm looking forward to the feedback and sharing.  I'm disappointed I didn't get feedback I wanted about a pressing issue I opened up about.  Anyway I guess that is a tendency, to want the pain to go away NOW and it is just a process of awareness and discomfort and feeling it and not wanting it and hopefully onto acceptance.  I truly am blessed.  I really couldn't ask for more, and it's all in an attiutude of gratitude.  I told someone I'd go to a meeting tonite so I'm committed, otherwise I'd talk myself out of it and I enjoy this meeting and have not been to it lately so i'm excited.  I'm fortunate I have this temporary job that allows me to be online here (though it will end in a week so I may not be as regular here as lately...)  My gratitude today is in the nature of the environment where I work, my growing list of finding something daily I like about myself (and reminding myself of one from last year each day), for my humility, for not contacting my apparently EX boyfriend today (there was no official breakup this time yet like the last time it wasn't official and this time it is more obvious to me).  Yes I think taking him back 4 times is plenty (only the first one was at my instigation).  It's just UGLY.  I didn't want to breakup in the midst of an argument.  So the next time he broke up with me very matter of factly and wanted to take me to lunch, I went though I felt discomfort (I took one bite and took it home, how could I eat at that time?  He ate...) Anyway I know he is having an extraordinarily hard time and he is just not a good influence on me and I wish him well and I am staying away from our mutual home AA meeting (a sacrifice) and I am not wanting to feel the way I felt when we were back together like this is crazy and dreading the next fallout... Thanks all for being here your shares and feedback stay with me the rest of the day and then some... :)