Well, Today is wednesday and I am already dreading Saturday. Even when you think you have a handle on things, you let the anticipation of that day to get you all worked up. I'm having anxiety about it and I dont understand it. I know the day is going to be fine. I already made it through the hard one so I wish that I would just calm down. Its funny but last year I wanted to be alone for the first and nobody would let me. This year I want to be with people and I dont think they even remember. I'm sure his sisters do but they dont call much anymore. Anyway I have to work on Saturday. I just hope ah never mind I know its going to be fine. I dont know why I'm doing this to myself.
Replies
Lori when we are dealing with emotions as strong as grief, what we think, feel or do,does not alwaays make sense. It is because we are in such a high state of emotional confusion. You hhave changed and grown alot since this time last year. Next year you may feel something even diffrent than this year or last. Grief is an ongoing thing, and it is a thing of change.As time passes we change, and so do other people. You can\'t expect yourself to be on an even emotional plain this soon. Your grief is better and you are better, but you are not going to just be like you used to be after this short of a time. Bruce was your love, your husband, everything to you for many years. It takes a very long time to get your life and mind back in order. You have been through a major life changing experience. This takes a long time ti adjust to. You have gotten so much better, and you will continue to. Just go with the feelings, don\'t fight it, instead embrace it. Let your mind go on and feel and get those feelings out and in to open. You will continue to understand more and more, and you will groww more and more used to your diffrent life. We will probably keep going through changes for always.You are doing so well. I know you will pull yourself up and you will be allright.Love Peggy
I am so with Peggy my friend. You are moving forward, but it doesn\'t mean you still do not HURT..I agree with you that others just assume that once you make it thru the FIRST of everything that you are on easy street. I don\'t know if we will ever find that street again, but look at the strength and courage you have had..Try to do whatever it is that comforts you on Saturday. Last year I also had Jim\'s first anniversary mass, this July I think I just want to be alone, I will be here for you my friend... Hugs, Alice
Don\'t be too hard on yourself. You are grieving and that\'s how it works. A big breakthrough for me was when I accepted that I wasn\'t going to understanding things because there is no simple logic to grief. It\'s all about random and haphazard feelings that are often different to our nice, logical thoughts that tell us something entirely different to how we are actually feeling. I recently went throught the second anniversary of my wife\'s death and it was a very sad day, different to the first anniversary but still very sad but then again, why wouldn\'t it be? Trust in your feelings, try to accept and go with them and do whatever seems the right thing to do for you. My thoughts are with you and I hope Saturday goes as well as it can do.
Lori, if you are feeling sad - take full advantage of it. By that, I mean, acknowledge it fully. When sadness overwhelms me, I put on some sappy music, light some candles, pour a glass of wine and sit int the dark and have a good cry. I find that it is very cleasning and feels a whole lot better than that continuous \"happy\" face.
Take care
Hugs
Sel
I realize my comment is a day late but there will be other bad dates or days ahead!
Sel