I havnt been on for a while,hope everyone is doing good. I check in and read journals but I dont usually stay on. Just check in. I'm not really sure why I dont stay on.Because I really care how everyone is doing and feel bad for the newcomers and would like to try to help them. I dont know if I am really doing better and feel like I dont "need" support anymore or if I'm just avoiding it. I do feel like I'm doing better and find my self actually laughing and having fun with friends again but I'm still not the same. I find I like to spend more time home alone and not really socializing much anymore. But that doesnt make me sad it actually feels normal. I'm ok with that, I have fun when I want and have quiet time when I want. Its a peaceful place for me.I dont want to feel miserable and horrible all the time. I dont want to be grieving Bruce for the rest of my life. I love him and I miss him but I accept he's gone.Sorry to say this but when I read about people on here feeling horrible after 7yrs or more I am like this is not for me. I still have my sad days but i expect them now. I know they are going to be a part of my life. For how long I dont know but at least I have learned they dont last, they come and go.And I say to myself of course thats going to happen I lost the love of my life.Why wouldnt that happen. I hope I havnt offended anyone on here that is grieving differently or longer than me but I just want my life to be more than that.As I'm sure we all do but by me taking breaks from it now and then is how I cope. Now I have other stresses to fill my day, like on friday night my daughter informed me that the wedding we were planning for june 2010. is now happening this june. So instead of a year and a half I have like 3 and a half months to plan this wedding. She says she's not pregnant but just anxious to get married. I think she's just trying to drive her Mom crazy.