I havnt been on for a while,hope everyone is doing good. I check in and read journals but I dont usually stay on. Just check in. I'm not really sure why I dont stay on.Because I really care how everyone is doing and feel bad for the newcomers and would like to try to help them. I dont know if I am really doing better and feel like I dont "need" support anymore or if I'm just avoiding it. I do feel like I'm doing better and find my self actually laughing and having fun with friends again but I'm still not the same. I find I like to spend more time home alone and not really socializing much anymore. But that doesnt make me sad it actually feels normal. I'm ok with that, I have fun when I want and have quiet time when I want. Its a peaceful place for me.I dont want to feel miserable and horrible all the time. I dont want to be grieving Bruce for the rest of my life. I love him and I miss him but I accept he's gone.Sorry to say this but when I read about people on here feeling horrible after 7yrs or more I am like this is not for me. I still have my sad days but i expect them now. I know they are going to be a part of my life. For how long I dont know but at least I have learned they dont last, they come and go.And I say to myself of course thats going to happen I lost the love of my life.Why wouldnt that happen. I hope I havnt offended anyone on here that is grieving differently or longer than me but I just want my life to be more than that.As I'm sure we all do but by me taking breaks from it now and then is how I cope. Now I have other stresses to fill my day, like on friday night my daughter informed me that the wedding we were planning for june 2010. is now happening this june. So instead of a year and a half I have like 3 and a half months to plan this wedding. She says she's not pregnant but just anxious to get married. I think she's just trying to drive her Mom crazy.
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Whoa, thats a shocker to you. It is hard enough planning in a yr. let alone months. Just take it easy and don\'t pull ALL of your hair out. I am sure it will come together and be just beautiful.. I understand what you mean,I DO NOT want to feel down all the time either, I do have my good days and get really frustrated with the bad ones. I am trying to learn that those bad days ARE going to jump in there now and then. It is just that our lives were so much \"together\", working, etc, that it is hard for me to go at it alone. I wish now that I had had those years of maybe making it out on my own for awhile, you know college, an apartment, maybe it would be so much easier. Didn\'t realize just HOW much I wrapped myself around him and family... I guess I will be just \"learning\" at an older age... Wishing you the best ALWAYS, and just think pretty soon we will be in our gardens again. Hugs, Alice
Kids - ya gotta love \'em - she is just trying to make your life a little interesting...have fun with all the planning...
I am just happy you are doing so well. It is hard to move on or let go but it is what we have to work towards. Love Peggy
I couldn\'t have said it any better!!!! I feel exactly the same way. I am like you I check in every now and then, because when I really neede comfort and friends this site was here for me. But I do feel like I am able to move on. Don\'t stress yourself out too much over the wedding. Take Care.
I think you said this quite well and is so very true,and congradulations on the up-coming wedding!!!