I havnt been on for a couple of days and want to thank everyone for the hugs and messages.This has been the longest I havnt been on the site except for my vacation.The 9th marked 10 mths since Bruce's death.Its hard to believe that a year is aproaching.It still feels unreal.I am getting used to him not being here when I get home from work and not hanging out with me in the livingroom watching TV.I still get pissed at times and yell at him for leaving me.Its funny but I still call him a Butthead when I'm mad at him.I always say I cant believe your gone you butthead.We should have had many more years together.We were a good couple we had alot in common and had alot of fun together.It's just not fair.We were just going to be celebrating our first anniversary.He died 19 days before.We had great plans for our first anniversary.We were going to go to the place that we met.Yes it was a bar,but a band from the 70's was playing and they were playing the night we met 9 years earlier.So we wanted to let the band know that we met while seeing them and eventually married.Bruce couldnt wait to get on stage and tell them.He was so proud.He was always going to be a bachelor,never wanted to be tied to someone that would not allow him to be himself, until he met me.I cant believe this May would be our 2nd anniversary.Another one we wont be celebrating.The last one I was so lost in my grief and so heavily medicated because of his death I barely noticed.This one I will have to face.It seem like we just had the wedding never mind that I just had his wake.This sucks.I dont feel lonely, I just miss him.I only want him to come back and I know he's not.I think that the acceptance step in grief is hard to deal with because it makes you come to the realization that they wont be coming back.It's hard to believe that I wont be seeing him again.And wont be celebrating any wedding annivesaries together,ever.I really shouldnt let this worry me now,I still have 2 more mths to worry about it.Try to take one day at a time Lori,will ya.