Got the kids this weekend, and I'm aware of the tight-rope balance in several dimensions here. (Ok - less tight-rope, more flag-pole sitting.)I don't want my kids to feel like guests - I want them to feel like they live here. But it's a small apartment, and I don't see them much elsewise. When I turn on the tv, they curl up on the couch in my lap. they're quite content not running outside, playing with other kids. I know their mother still runs them ragged. I had to paddle my son's tush a few times this weekend, and once he piped up (he's 3) that his mom cries when she spanks him. And that he tells her 'I'm not mad at you, mommy. But you need to not fuss at me.' I'm trying not to overthink that one too much, because when I do, it sends shivers down my spine. I've been catching up on rehearsal, my role at work is shifting, I've got a resume out (and I finally got a resume done! Shame it's so oriented to this one position. At least it incorporates both my professional and my theatrical experience.
Replies
Honestly, it sounds like they DO feel like they live there :) I`m getting the impression that you are their pool of peace away from the fraught atmosphere with their mother. I really think that is a huge plus, given the situation in which you find yourselves. They sound able to just \"be\" with you, and perhaps the not wanting to play is down to a need to recharge, as well as a relaxing of the nerves?
Your son is very aware :) Before I say this next part, I should probably reiterate that I don`t have any children myself, and only have experience of caring for other people`s, but... when you say you \"had\" to spank him, what does that mean to you? I`m also curious about which part of the situation with your son and his mother affected you in the frightening way you describe. Was it to do with his having to be the understanding person and tell her how to treat him, although he is actually her child, or something else?
Great news on the resume and work opportunities! Wish you all the best for good results :) (((HUGS)))
It sounda to me too like they are very at home there. They sound very comfy and able to relax and that is vital. Dont be so hard on urself. Have you heard of a book called have a new kid by friday? Might be a useful tool. Might not just a thought
Hugs and prayers
My son is learning that when I tell him he needs to do something, dropping to the floor and wailing is not an appropriate response - it will result in getting his tush popped. Crying and/or screaming when I tell him to do something he doesn\'t want to do will result in a countdown, at the end of which, he gets his tush popped. Not eating what he is given for dinner will result in either a) having to eat cold food, or b) being hungry.
To be fair to him, that isn\'t a great illustration of who he is. I will say, I took a nap, and left my glasses on the arm of the couch while he drove cars around the living room. I woke later, and my glasses weren\'t where I put them - as I felt through the blankets, I asked him if he knew where they were. He came running over and picked them up off the floor, and told me \"they were on the side. I didn\'t want them to fall, because they could break. I moved them.\" I thanked him and gave him a hug.
I love his consideration and sensitivity. I worry that it will result in the same kind of over-responsibility for others\' feelings as caused me so much trouble in dealing with his mother. It\'s not the three year old\'s job to help regulate his mother\'s emotions, and knowing his mother, she\'d let him.
I absolutely hear u there bax. I got to the point where I felt like I was \"popping\" my sons tush far too often for me. He\'s a stubborn bugger and much to like his father tbh. As he gets older we seem to struggle with dominance a lot. The book I mentioned I\'ve read several times to help remind myself that consistency is the best key even if its only from one parent. Keep up the good work! Sounds like u got a sweety