I keep trying to live like I'm like everybody else. My sponsor in AA read right out of the Big Book "Nobody likes to admit that he is bodily and mentally different than his fellows. Many will try to prove they are not and follow this delusion to the gates of insanity and death." She told me I must apply this to my Bipolar disorder. After quitting meds again this last time I am more able than ever to see my bipolar disease trying to take control again. It is cunning, baffling, and powerful. Just like alcoholism. I think I was trying to get by without giving it much attention and why is just now occurring to me. I have to give my alcoholism top priority because I have late stage alcoholism and it is very dangerous for me to drink. I have to give my eating disorder a lot of attention, making sure I have the right food and not getting too hungry or flirting with sweets. So why do I think I shouldn't watch for bipolar symptoms? So I'm finally okay with the fact that writing down and paying attention to sleep and mood is okay. How many years has it been and I'm finally accepting it? I just don't like to get to into it, thinking that it'll somehow make it more prevalent in my life. I'm run by my moods to be sure. I have to pay attention to it and keep it always in perspective just like thinking to drink or go back to binge eating. Whew, now that's over. I have a lot of support this time. I reached way out to my AA friends who are all quite aware by now that I'm not like the rest of them and you know what? They're here to support me. I can't believe it. Some get scared but others are just willing to help out. I feel so lucky.