I was just reading and it sounds like I only took seroquel for a month. That's not true. I've been on it since Jan. I went up to 200 when I wrote. So I had a knock out sleep aid for about 4 months. It's been hell learning to sleep again. I'm up right now! Been up for an hour and a half. I went to bed at 11 and got 2 1/2 hours. I wake up every 2 hours and have to talk myself into sleeping. I just couldn't do it tonight. And I've gotten plenty of sleep lately so I got up. Oh brother it's probably mania saying, "It's all right. You feel fine." Good grief. Going off the meds it's like mania wants to come back and take over. It's so tiring. But I'll get through this. And I'm so glad to feel so healthy again. What a relief. No wonder I want to be high. I feel like an athlete when I'm clean and eating right. I swear I'll do anything but try meds again. It is so fucked getting back to normal. I did better when I put myself in the hospital and refused meds for a week. And they're already trying to talk me into trying something else! Can you believe it?  I'm so fucking angry all the sudden. I had a very sweet lady tell me that there is very little research and medication is the only solution they have right now. But those people don't even really work much with me. I'm like totally on my own trying to figure this out. I do not like being a fucking pioneer.  Okay, acceptance. Breath. Yes it's mania in the night trying again to figure it out. I guess I'll go talk my head into sleeping cause I'm just getting fed up.  Funny I think I should change my smiling face. No I felt good at first. Now I'm just pissed off.