SAD....
It's been so long since I've journalled. Things had been going quite well for so long. Then winter came. Wow! It has knocked me on my ass this year. I've never experienced depression like this before where my logical, intellectual side is struggling with my unlogical, emotional side. There is something wrong.. I feel I'm not quite "right" & I've never felt this before. I have done some research on here as well as the web & am convinced that I am either suffering from Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) or maybe thyroid disorder... Whatever it is is effecting my day to day living profoundly these days. It almost feels as though I'm in a vacuum of depression but I can see outside & know that I'm ok but can't pull myself out of it. It started almost immediately after the rush & excitement of Christmas. I've not experienced that before. Weird...The worst part is that after all my work & attention to myself & self growth, in that vacuum is exactly where all the memories of hurt, pain & anger are for my ex. I don't want to be there again. I was feeling ok with things before this & I feel I'm backsliding now.Then my logical side kicks in & I know it is all just my mood (for whatever reason) & I continue to try to pull myself from the grasp of the dark vacuum. I joined a website over the holidays.. The 100 Day Challenge, which is all about co creating your life & future.. I was so excited about that. I even had a woman randomly approach me at the library in December to tell me that I had one of the most positive & warm auras she had ever experienced & that whatever I was doing, I should continue as it was obviously working for me. It was a little weird but it made my day. I have become very interested in quantum physics & the power of positive thought & that validated that my hard work was shining through... then less than two weeks later, I was down here.. being sucked in by negativity, self doubt & hurtful feelings of days long gone.. Sigh...I have made a doctor's appointment for tomorrow in hopes of getting to the bottom of this. I need to find out what is wrong with me.. if it is SAD or thyroid or something else.I had a scary thought early this morning when, once again, I couldn't sleep... What if I'm bi-polar? I have worked with mentally ill people for many years & I really don't like the thought of that...I will try to be positive though & hope that it isn't & that somehow, something will help... I want to shut off the vacuum.. I'm tired...
Replies
i am glad you were able to have the strength to journal. it is important to get all these things out. i pray your doctor\'s will have wisdom for you and it is good to hear from you............... hugs
You have gone through a lot and your mind, emotions and even body had to take the brunt of it. I hope all goes well at the doctors and that you can get some answers. Hang in there.
It\'s good that you are seeking a medical diagnosis for your depression. I will tell you that SADD is a very real affliction and even though I get outside every day even in the winter, the sun isn\'t strong enough to cure SADD on its own. My doctor recommended that I get a \"Light Box\" from a company right here in Maryland! Check out their website: www.sunbox.com
I can\'t go several days without sun in my life. I\'m outside a lot but even here in S C if the sun isn\'t out my mood isn\'t good. That can be an easy fix.
I feel much like you when this hits me. But it helps to know what it is. Not knowing makes it worse and you wonder if it\'s something else. When I read about SADD I instatnly knew that was my problem and I have been able to work around that. Living back in the south has helped.
talk yourself out of labels, not into them. it\'s a 2009-2010 winter transition, by spring you\'ll start seeing your own light shine ;)
how\'s that?
Thanks everyone for your comments.. I go to the doctor today & hopefully will figure this out. :)
Geo.. Having worked in the mental health field for 17 years, I know all about labels.. I also know when something is not \"right\" with me.. I have had my transitions, as you put it it, in the past but this is not the same. I am generally able to shake it off in a day or two.. a week at the most. This has been ongoing since the new year. I can almost gaurantee (?) that there is something going on.. & I am determined to figure it out & take the necessary steps to rectify it. I love being my normally happy, optimistic self... why should I suffer with this?
I hope the runway lights light up soon ;) Namaste
http://www.dailystrength.org/groups/daily-snips-archives is my Daily SNIPS group if you\'re interested ;)