Well....I haven't been around very much at all the past few months. Have been really busy with summer, work, preparing to go back to school & my kids. I had been doing really well 7 thought that I had made such progress on my road but I seemed to have back slid sometime in the past couple of weeks. What would've been our 10th anniversary was this past Thursday on the 24th. I began feeling blue a few days before then. We had always talked about renewing our vows on our 10 year.... Oddly enough, on the actual day, I seemed fine but then on Friday, for some stupid reason, I read an email from a few months ago. The flood gates opened & I had a very rough weekend just feeling angry & decastated all over again. I went to pick up our daughter at his place on Sunday for church & he came down to the door. That made me angry as I dont want to see him or talk to him at all. On the way to church, Olivia informed me in her innocent 8 yr. old manner that she has met his girlfriend several times & that they had all gone to the beach together the day before....then she added how pretty she is. I sat there the whole time being supportive as I want Olivia to be happy & none of this is the problem of an 8 year old but I was dying inside. I din't know they were still seeing eachother & why does she get to do " family" things with MY family? .....Why does he get to jump into the next relationship without barely a blink of an eye & be happy when I am still dealing with the anger & greif of my marriage ending? I"M SO FUCKING ANGRY STILL!!!!!!! I JUST WANT TO SHUT OFF EVERY FEELING FOR HIM THAT I HAVE EVER HAD! Why is it so frigging easy to stop loving him but so bloody difficult to stop hating him?  Why am I still feeling this way after almost a year of separation.....I dont want to be the victim anymore but it all still hurts so damn much!!!