I haven't been on here very much recently. I am really struggling with everything. I have been seeing the pastor of the church around the corner from me. He is trying to help me deal with my anger....there is so much! It is eating me up inside. I know in my heart that I need to forgive Brendan for all that has happened...I just dont know how. I think I am holding onto the hurt & anger because it makes it easier not to miss him or grieve our marriage. It gives me some degree of control over this situation....I dont know how to let go of that control. And I dont want the pain of missing him....it hurts inside way more than hating him. I also know that I need to ask Brendan for his forgiveness for all the harsh words I have spoken to him especially over the past 2 weeks or so. Again....I feel if I ask him to forgive me, I am admitting that I have been wrong & then he gets to feel superior once more. I cant stand the thought of that! I dont feel that I have been wrong for my feelings but I do feel that the way I have expressed them has been wrong. I know that if he didn't hate me before, he certainly does now after all the cruel things I have said to him. The pain inside is killing me & I am turning more & more to the church & God trying desperately to work through this & be a better person after all is said & done....I am hurting so much.... Thank you to all my friends on here who have continued to give support even when I have gone into hiding...I pray for you all & hope the best for each of you.
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i am very proud of you for working on yourself and for finding wise counsel to help you. God will bring beauty to your pain...it may take awhile, but He will....
you are right, emotions aren\'t wrong, it\'s what we do with our emotions that can get us into trouble. i am glad you are working on your anger so that you don\'t become bitter and resentful.
i know what you mean about the apology, but it is more important that we are humble before God and obedient to God...even though it is hard. we are only responsible for ourselves. i will be praying for you to have the strength and courage to be able to to your part that God is calling you to do....
sometimes it\'s hard for me to ask for forgiveness because of the same reasons....but once you sincerely ask for forgiveness then you are done....if they don\'t forgive they don\'t....but you only are responsible to ask forgiveness once, that\'s all God calls you to do...
be of good courage...you are doing all the right things and God will bless your efforts...
To calm the internal turmoil going on in you, you are doing the right thing. Find it in faith, know that we have a source to go to. It is hard to let go of a marriage. I loved being married, I loved being a husband and it was and at times still hard to just let go of that part. My feelings for my stbx have changed cause I can feel it within me. I can not look at her the same way anymore. She isn\'t the person I once knew. Keep looking into yourself and you will find forgiveness and don\'t be so hard on yourself. You are doing the best you can with what you know. Hang in there.