Feeling so-so tonight....I have been thinking about him all day for some reason....I went & got a new tattoo today. A dragonfly...they symbolize going past self-created illusions that limit our growing & changing. They are a symbol of the sense of self that comes with maturity. They are often depicted in Japanese paintings, representing new light & joy.... I am changing so much in my heart. I am feeling so much more than I ever have in the past regarding the important people in my life. Even with people I dont know, I have a new appreciation for emotions in general. I seriously feel like a different person since writing that letter the other night & making some discoveries about me as a person. I know I am a good person underneath it all...I'm trying so hard to smash my defensive masks...they haven't protected me, they have hindered every aspect of my life & I'm quite certain, contributed to the breakdown of my marriage. It feels so good to realize fully the extent of my responsibility in all this & to be able to let go of the anger & blame I have been harboring towards him not just since he left, but for years now. I feel a huge weight has been lifted off of me....I am still very saddened that I didn't learn this of myself years & years ago...I could've saved myself a ton of heartache...but I have to forgive myself & live for tomorrow. My marriage is dead. If we can build a friendship & maybe more someday, I will be so grateful but I have to move forward regardless.... Here's to the future & getting past regrets.