Happy Valentine's Day! I am feeling a bit sad today because of what day it is but at the same time, I feel enlightened & hopeful about me as a person for the first time in a very long while. Writing that letter last night really opened my eyes to who I am as a person. I feel like there is light at the end of the tunnel...I realize that it is too late to share this with my stbx but now I feel that with more work on me I will be OK in my next relationship. I am grateful that he has agreed to meet with me sometime next week, at which time, I will read him the letter that I posted here last night. I need to do some work on forgiving me at this point because I really see how responsible I am for the decline of our marriage now.  I also took some time last night & reflected on my other important relationships & if I am that self-serving in them as well...I am. That saddens me but I know that those relationships are still with me & I am excited to begin improving on them immediately....How did I become this way? I'm not entirely sure but I know alot of it does stem back to childhood, so to remedy this, I need to start there. I read an article today about forgiving yourself. It says that to forgive you must look inside to see the real you...this means stripping yourself of your external roles....I cant look at mother, daughter, friend,sister, human service counsellor....any of those roles...Who is left after that. I see a frightened, angry, little girl who's greatest fear is being abandoned.... I want to work on changing that for myself....over the next little while, my goal is to transform that little girl into a beautiful, confident, truly caring woman....that's who I want to be.