Last night was really, really bad. One of my best friends came down from Moncton on Thursday. She has been my main support throughout this whole mess & I love her dearly. Her family all lives here & this was to be her Christmas.... She is an alcoholic & stayed with me because of that rather than her family. Thursday night, we went out for supper with my oldest daughter (20). My daughter told me that it really upsets her when she comes to tell me something that she is happy about or excited about & I bring her down by recalling a memory that is similar. I told her that I am sorry & that I will try not to do that to her anymore. My friend basically told me that it has been 4 months & that I need to get over it...Later that night both of them were making fun of me. They would say something & then add "back when I was happy". This really hurt my feelings that they were making fun of me & I asked them to stop... My friend still continued to do it a few times through the night & into Friday. Friday night, my friend & I were supposed to go out to a dance club. I was excited all day about going out. When I got home from work everything was good. Began having a few drinks & sat around talking. My friends friend came over for a bit & she noticed my books on codependence. She said she had gone through this a few years back & has offered to help find some meetings of some kind that I could attend. As she was getting ready to leave, my friend tells me that she no longer wants to go out. I was upset since I had been looking forward to it all week. I was also scared because I knew I was already drunk & would end up severely depressed. Of course, I ended up texting him & I went over to his place & made an ass of myself begging him....I kept trying to kiss him & hug him & he kept pushing me away & saying it is over. I ended up stumbling home sobbing. Some guy on the street actually followed me for a block asking if I was OK....I didnt answer him but I am not OK.... When I got home, my daughter told me that my friend would be leaving at 6 am.... I went into the room she was sleeping in & touched her arm & told her I didnt want her to leave in the morning. She basically told me that she is tired of me & that I had ruined her "Christmas" & that she was leaving at 6 am... I just said "OK" & left her. I heard her get up at 5 am & get ready but I just let her go....
Replies
seems that when our emotions are out of control we tend to make a bigger mess when we try to fix it ourselves...i\'ve been there..too many times!
hang in there...life is not over....this is a new chapter in your life, and you know which chapters are closed now...
your daughter still loves you very much...my mother still brings up memories about my father...that was her life too...their divorce was final when i was 12 ro so....but hang in ther because you love your children very much and desire to be a great mother....
right now, your heart is crushed and you are trying to move forward and let go....so let go, move forward...there is hope...it\'s hard to see it right now...but as you keep pursuing your healing journey happiness will be sustained in your life......
big big hugs!
It is hard to hold on to someone who just isnt there anymore. I too realize that my state of hurt and sadness can be overwhelming to others. I do feel what you are going through. You will get through all of this. Life does not stop it goes on. You have so much to offer.
I know how you feel. It is soo hard. Sometimes I feel that I am burden others. You will get thru this. One day at a time. I know it sucks hearing that...but I know you will get thru this. Thinking of you always.