Just woke up.....have that really empty feeling again. I'm so tired of feeling empty. Went out last night with a friend. It wasn't too bad. I really liked the club that we finally ended up at. They played great music & I wanted to dance but I just couldn't relax enough. No matter where we went, I felt so old & fat. I looked around at all the men kind of checking out my options in case we dont get back together & I was very discouraged. I didn't find anyone appealing in the least! It is such hard work pretending that I'm OK. I want him to believe that I can be OK without him.....I guess I'm taking an opposite approach than others.... Everywhere I've read on the internet on how to save your marriage says to not let the other know you're dying inside.....to agree with them & be nice no matter what. So I'm trying so hard but it is exhausting. I pretend in public....I pretend until my 7 year old goes to bed. I dont know how long I can keep this up. He told me yesterday in a text message that he has been in a deep depression over his choice to leave. Isn't that funny....me too! But I was happy to hear it is affecting him. I want it to affect him more! I still believe he loves me.  I still need to believe that.