Last night was another hard one. My youngest went to spend the first full weekend with him. My oldest went to Fredericton for the weekend with her boyfriend.My first weekend totally alone. I started off pretty good. I walked to the library to get some books on separation & divorce. When I left there I decided to walk to the bar that we always went to together. Technically "his" pub but screw that, they are my friends too! So I walked in with my head held high & did pretty good. Everyone treated me OK but I could see the "poor her" looks all over their faces. I finished my drink then left with my head still held high. When I got home, my daughter had called to say goodnight so I tried to call her back but his line kept ringing busy for about half an hour. In that half hour I had convinced myself that he could only be talking to another woman for that long. I was pissed! When I finally got through, he claimed that he hadn't been on the phone at all & he couldn't understand why it was busy! So I told him it was all fine because I am going to move on, stop sitting at home crying & meet someone else. He took it to mean I was going out tonight to meet someone for sex & got mad at me & began texting me telling me that he may have leaving on his conscience but that I would have that on mine because my "intentions" had made him decide that there was no chance of reconciliation or friendship in the future. At first I got upset & cried when I read his texts but then I found it kind of funny because for the first time HE was showing jealousy.So I decided not to respond to any of his texts & let him think about it for awhile. He texted me again at 5:30 am....basically telling me that I am to blame for us never getting back together because of my actions. I replied & explained that he misunderstood what I had said & that I wasn't going out to meet someone else right this minute, I had meant eventually. He continued to text for the next hour & I took pleasure in that because I think it's the first time he's realizing that I can be OK without him.....I think he may be starting to panick a bit. I want us back together so bad......