What the hell is wrong with me? Today has been another bad day in a long time!! I've been going along "okay", but today has been really hard again!
Tonight I wanted to take my daughter to the movies and my parents came along. I think I got myself into a slump again because work was just not comfortable and it was really dragging today. Then tonight we went to the same local theater that we always go to as a family. I think that was the most difficult. HE wasn't with us!!!
Goddamn him for doing this to me and to our little family!!!
The bastard didn't return my call at all today when I wanted to ask him about a hiccup in the bank account... nothing major and I didn't even indicate anything in the message. Why am I getting so angry that he didn't call me back? He's supposed to come over in the morning to continue clearing things out to sell our house and I'm in a fit because he's not calling me back.
I guess in my mind he hardly returned my calls when we were together so I guess I thought he would be better about when we were seperated to be able to take care of things. He talks to his friends on the phone, answers their calls and calls them back!
I know I'm just ranting right now and I'm the one that sounds like the lunatic, but I'd rather he not even be in our lives and I'm stuck with him. I'm not able to heal because he's got to be around our lives!!!
BUT, then on the other hand I want him there... I am LOSING MY FREAKING MIND!!!
Baby girl's already asleep so I might have to take an Excedrin PM just to fall asleep... that's not like me at all! Well, it's not like me to take anything. I usually just lie awake badgering myself and coming up with stupid random scenarios to self inflict!!!
I'm an idiot, I know!
Tonight I wanted to take my daughter to the movies and my parents came along. I think I got myself into a slump again because work was just not comfortable and it was really dragging today. Then tonight we went to the same local theater that we always go to as a family. I think that was the most difficult. HE wasn't with us!!!
Goddamn him for doing this to me and to our little family!!!
The bastard didn't return my call at all today when I wanted to ask him about a hiccup in the bank account... nothing major and I didn't even indicate anything in the message. Why am I getting so angry that he didn't call me back? He's supposed to come over in the morning to continue clearing things out to sell our house and I'm in a fit because he's not calling me back.
I guess in my mind he hardly returned my calls when we were together so I guess I thought he would be better about when we were seperated to be able to take care of things. He talks to his friends on the phone, answers their calls and calls them back!
I know I'm just ranting right now and I'm the one that sounds like the lunatic, but I'd rather he not even be in our lives and I'm stuck with him. I'm not able to heal because he's got to be around our lives!!!
BUT, then on the other hand I want him there... I am LOSING MY FREAKING MIND!!!
Baby girl's already asleep so I might have to take an Excedrin PM just to fall asleep... that's not like me at all! Well, it's not like me to take anything. I usually just lie awake badgering myself and coming up with stupid random scenarios to self inflict!!!
I'm an idiot, I know!
Replies
Misstik, you are feeling the very normal feelings associated with relationship problems and living with an alcoholic. Don\'t blame yourself and don\'t feel like you aren\'t allowed to have these emotions. I, never believed anger was a healthy emotion. Growing up, anger always turned into rage, so I learned that anger was unhealthy. I now know that anger is just another emotion, sometimes justified and sometimes used to mask our more vulnerable feelings.