Since this is IT and there's no turning back, I think back on a lot of things. What is wrong with me and will I be this way forever? Can I trust anyone after this?
I think it's kind of difficult for me to accept this for some really odd reason. There were some times when my stbx had threatened divorce and never followed through with it saying (after his drinking) that he just said it out of anger or spite. I believed those times so when this time came around I thought he was being angry and spiteful.
But, there were points in our relationship that I wanted to leave him because of his drinking and mental/emotional abuse, but didn't because of this or that.
Is it difficult for me now because I'm not the one that did it? I wish I could understand my feelings and concerns. I just can't get a grasp on it.
Why haven't I cried all that much? Most everyone does, don't they? I read everyone's posts how they cry and are on some sort of medication?
Why am I not???? Am I a freak? I'm really torn up inside and am trying to float through my days and nights with the underlying feeling of fear and anxiety. I don't think I'm processing this properly and I don't know what to do from here.
I brought up what I typed up above. His response was this:
What do you want me to say to that?
I agree, I'm sorry. I mean it this time. I am not trying to be angry and spiteful.
Huh, can you be any more sensitive maybe?
I think it's kind of difficult for me to accept this for some really odd reason. There were some times when my stbx had threatened divorce and never followed through with it saying (after his drinking) that he just said it out of anger or spite. I believed those times so when this time came around I thought he was being angry and spiteful.
But, there were points in our relationship that I wanted to leave him because of his drinking and mental/emotional abuse, but didn't because of this or that.
Is it difficult for me now because I'm not the one that did it? I wish I could understand my feelings and concerns. I just can't get a grasp on it.
Why haven't I cried all that much? Most everyone does, don't they? I read everyone's posts how they cry and are on some sort of medication?
Why am I not???? Am I a freak? I'm really torn up inside and am trying to float through my days and nights with the underlying feeling of fear and anxiety. I don't think I'm processing this properly and I don't know what to do from here.
I brought up what I typed up above. His response was this:
What do you want me to say to that?
I agree, I'm sorry. I mean it this time. I am not trying to be angry and spiteful.
Huh, can you be any more sensitive maybe?
Replies
You are not a freak in anyway. We all handle things differently. I was in a sort of same situation sometimes we don\'t tend to cry so much because we know not being together is the right thing. No one deserves abuse of any kind. You will have your days good and bad. Hang in there, If you need to talk I am here.
Thank you so much Coyotewild... Notes like these really help as I read them throughout the day... It\'s good to know that others are in the same boat with me... or on my rollercoaster ride. LOL!