Well, today is kind of a weird day... Driving to work I got that anxiety feeling you get when you anticipate something or get overloaded with stress.

I really thought about it and tried to suppress it. It's like it's just there, right on the verge of coming up and exploding out my chest. I know I'm sounding dramatic and I've never had bouts of anxiety before, but I'm wondering how many times do I have to go through that feeling????? I hate it so much!!!

I've been going in and out of trying not to find ways to call my stbx or instant message him for something or email him for something. I know, it's embarrassing and I try to control myself. I'm not obssessed about it and don't overdue it, but I wish I wouldn't do it at all!!!!

He's out of town this weekend for his Grandpa's funeral and I think it's the best thing that could happen to me right now. Out of sight, out of reach, not totally out of mind... :-)

He actually called me today to say that he and his brother think his G-pa's mini-SUV would be perfect for me and our daughter and wanted to see if I was interested. If it was available he was going to try and get it home for me. Wow, that was totally thougthful.

He's nicer to me now that he doesn't want me anymore... What up with that???? He's even playing with our daughter more, being more attentive... I don't know and may never know.

Other than that, if I don't think about where I'm going to live after we sell the house... if we can sell the house and the process to go through financially to do that... I think I'll be okay.

Geez, I hate this!