well i jus wrote a journal a bad journal of how angry jealous or depressed i was getting, whatever, well tht was on friday then the rest of the weekend came nd went by pretty much usually. saturday night i went out with my friend nd his cousin nd had a really good time kinda. the next day i went to church where i work, while i was there it got me thinkin about how i reacted to all this information, i mean i was pretty much actin like a baby or a lil sissy, i dunno. it was pretty bad nd i knew tht i had too much jealously in my life nd actions, i recently jus wrote her telling her tht i had this jealously in me nd i told her tht it couldnt be healthy here. nd i told her tht i really was happy for her but i jus feel like i was the one holdin her back or i feel tht my life has been put on pause while everybodies life is in fast forward nd movin forward while i am jus stuck in slow slow slow motion. see dam my stupid brain injury here has me forgettin wat other parts i wanted to put in this journal but lemme think more here. hmm lets see here so i thought at church tht i have to get totally over her nd fully move on so i can finally find someone nd be hapopy, but hte only way i feel i can do tht is too i dunno jus stop beoing so jealous nd hatred of her success nd happiness. i figured i am goin to be fully supportive of her now. even tho i told her this about 20 times i feel tht this time is truthful now. so hopefully this time i am really telling the truth ion my head nd actually act on it so i can finally move on nd be happy, for real this itme.  so hopefully i can get outa this gutter tht im climbin out of since i have been prayin askin for help.