Just found out our son lost his job as a roofer.  My husband is on unemployment, and we live in Moms house.  How I so wish we did not live here.  I say that because when there is things like this that happen, my mother in law, because she does not deal with conflict very easy, I can just imagine what she is thinking right now.  Well, maybe I do not want to know what she is thinking.  Sean was upset, rightfully so.  Not sure why he was let go, but he was.  Sean does not handle conflict very well also.  Since I believe I am better at looking at the whole picture I said things that in my opinion were in reality better losing this job.  He did not have insurance, had to pay his own taxes, and was not covered by things he would have been covered in a company.   So I see it as a godsend.  Having been downsized myself I have always believed something better will come along.  But I am not my son and he does not look at things as I do.  So the mom in me empathized with how he was feeling at that moment and he seemed to be calmerand said he will and said he will look for work starting on Monday.  My belief, no bad situation lasts forever.  I would not have that attitude right now how I not done the hard work of healing my wounds and found in doing so, things change.  How I wish that this whole family would have gone into therapy and in doing so might look at their world differently.  But that is not the case.  On top of Seans problems, he has a inspection car repair that will cost around 600 dollars.  Well, my husband and I both have a car and we could drive him where ever he needs to go.  Especially since my husband is home on unemployment. Of course all of this happening, I want to comfort, I want to hold him and say everything will be okay.  He was angry, because he was not ready to hear that he lost his job.  My heart hurts for him.  Since I know what rejection feels like, I am certain that is what he is feeling.  Knowing men and there identity when it comes to a job, I understand what he is feeling.  Wonder why the rest of the family does not get that.  That calming somone, empathizing with them oftentimes does help the person who is hurting.   I have seen that in my own life with the friends I have.  All it took was somone saying, aw I am sorry you are hurting.  I just came down from talking again to Sean.  I told him I hurt for him.  He seemed a lot more okay with what happened. I have to say my mother in law knows not how to c omfort.  I have to wonder just what kind of life my husband had with his mom.  Did she shut down on feelings and not express them or did she let my husband express his feelings.  AS I have seen over the last 5 years there is no deep, comforting conversation with the both of them.  Pat is comforting to me, but not to his mom.  He said he jokes and makes light of what Mom says when she is in pain.  HMMMMM.  He never hugs her often, or sits and has deep thoughtful conversations with her.  So I watch.  I watch the interactions and observe.  Seems I have been doing that a lot since I have lived here.  Any dysfunction that shows in families usually comes from how the parents relationship was.  When I think of Mom's husband, he was a bigot, he was a jokester, was often away from the family because of the shifts he worked.  Mom was the caretaker of EVERYTHING.  She painted the house, she did everything while Dad worked.  I mean everything.  So here she is 91 years old still wanting to control everything in her path.  I used to be that way. Independent and did everything.  I am not that person anymore, thank goodness.  I am not the woman you saw on Leave It to Beaver.  This family is not the Brady Bunch.  In fact very far from it. I try to empathize with Mom but it falls on deaf ears.  Almost like she does not want my wisdom.  Maybe she sees I have that wisdom, but as she told me,"I have lived longer than you Jeanette, I am wiser".  I do not see my mother in law as wiser.  I see her as a lonely lady who will never accept love, comfort because she does not know how to accept it.  Not a judgment, but it is what it is.  As a mother and survivor I fully understand the importance of hearing someone, giving feedback when they are hurting, something that is not often seen here or felt.   Each time I go and talk to my son in his bedroom, I almost get this feeling, might be wrong, that she will think I am babying him.  I am not.  I am there because I am his MOM.  Clear and simple.  And at this point I do not care what she thinks, my husband thinks.  I am who I am, and I am okay with this.  But I say these things, because I have seen it before.  It is that gang mentality.  Everyone gang up on the weakest one.  I have felt it by my mother in law in the first few years of living here.  She might have thought I was weak, but now she knows I am not weak.  As I write this I am seeing just how much I do not like this woman.  I really don't.  Since I have in my life beautiful, caring and loving people, it is hard to live here and not see that in this family.  Where else can you get love, care, understanding if you cannot get it from your own family.  I think I am somewhat annoyed.  Yeah, I am.  Or saddened would be more like it.  Sad that I have gone thru some pretty bad verbal abuse by this woman and maybe I am finally coming to terms with that anger.  HMMMM.  Wow, glad I wrote this journal.  Gets me in touch with what is really going on inside of me.So off I go to observe, to listen and to thank God I have the awareness I have.