It is Saturday, just got off of work.  Went to see my 4 residents bowl in a bowling tournment to cheer them on and then came home.  Home has been feeling a lot more like home now that my mother in law is not being nasty, vindictive and meanspirited.I find when she was  like this, I did  not want to come home.  I am reminded of when I had polio at 14 years old.  I spent 5 months in the hospital where I hardly had anyone visit me.  I remember the day I was released from the hospital, I did not want to come home.  The hospital was where I had people pay attention to me.  No wonder I did not want to come home.  Home has never been a safe place to go to.  Guess many times I felt like a waif out on the street with no real home to come to.  I think a lot of my abandonment issues come from being taken from my bio mother at 2, and then put in this foster home, and being neglected and abused in the foster home.  I understand how easy it was to be triggered by my mother in law when she was being abusive.  I was literally living back in my childhood.  Even tho I am a 60 year old adult, I can still feel the lost child when it comes to abuse.  Any thing that reminds me of the abuse will take me back.   I never want to go back to the hell I lived thru.  I have healed enough to know I cannot live that kind of life as an adult and will not.  I will take a stand.