Thought I would walk away from my drawing table for a while.  Am learning how to draw ellipses.  Know how to draw perspective but always have a hard time doing ovals.  As I am drawing I am listening to music on my TV.  It is called Seascapes on cable.  It is music that nutures the soul.  As I am listening to the music I am feeling as tho a lullabye is being played.  I have not drawn or painted for a while.  I think as an artist when going thru heavy duty emotions as I have the last few weeks, sometimes I feel as tho I have creative blocks.  Since art is truly my passion, at times I have felt sad that I could not create.  Since I am feeling a lot more inner peace, I think I can now draw.  My mother in law has been nice, not nasty, ever since I wrote that letter to her on New Years Day.  There is a change in her.  She seems nicer and calmer herself.  Maybe the letter of confrontation helped.  I needed to write it.  I had 4 years of her verbal abuse, and ignoring me and my husband.  Guess New Years was the final straw.  I had been holding in what was really on my mind, and then just wrote it.  It was cathartic to do so.  I just said I am tired, tired of the tension that my husband and I did not create.  Since my mother in law has never gone inward and healed her wounds, instead she lashes out on the very people who are here to love her and take care of her.  I realize that she did not have a soft place to fall as a child.  Her mother died when she was 9 and she had to take care of all her brothers and sisters.  But in spite of what happened to her, I will not accept abuse from her in any way.  Well, I pretty much will not accept abusive behavior from anyone.  Too bad she was not able to do the inner work that I have done.  I would think had she we both would have had a better relationship.  Guess I was looking for a mother as well in her.  She cannot be the mother I never had.  I had that expectation even if I was not fully aware of it.  I cannot make anyone be something they cannot be or chose not to be.  Think I have come to acceptance in that regard.  Guess  I will go back to drawing and creating the beautiful urn I visualized when I first started therapy.  I envisioned a beautiful urn.  On the outside of this urn were  beautiful flowers etched into the urn.  It is a tall urn, sort of like a grecian urn.  It had a off white background.  As I looked into the urn, there was all this garbage, smelly, rotten garbage.  I saw the beauty on the outside of the urn, but saw darkness and hoplessness, and despair.  I realized at that moment if I wanted this urn which was a representation of me, I had to empty the urn of all the garbage that was dormat for many years. Only when I do that could I ever be beautiful on the inside as well as the outside.  That is what my journey is all about, emptying myself of all the garbage.  I have always believed that beauty is on the inside, not the outside.  To know someone is to know their soul, what they suffer over, and to be a healer while they go this journey, to be the hand that raises them up, as I have been raised up by the love I know have in my life.