Today I have spent most of my time on the computer.  Do not have a car since it is in the shop so i thought I would nuture myself and draw.  But, I seem compelled to come to DS.  I posted 2 more poems and feel that my poems are my way of expressing this long held pain I carried.  It is very cathartic to write poems.  I feel cleansed after writing them.  If I am struggling with a feeling, such as anger, or sadness I write and it flows so easily when I write a poem.  Guess that is my way of getting in touch with the little child.I have been feeling a lot of inner peace lately.  Feel I am on the right path, and pretty much do not care how others feel about the path I am taking.  I cannot care about how others perceive me.  I used to, but I do not anymore.  As I have often said, when I get the classic, get over it, or it is part of your past, I usually want to say walk in my shoes.  I have to one male friend.  He does not get it.  And maybe he will never get IT.  I get IT.  I get that the only way to recover is to go thru the hard emotional feelings that have been repressed for 40 years.  I get that I am the only one who can do this.  I am grateful today that I accept the help of others.  I need not go thru this alone.  I was alone as a child, but that is not the case today.  I am surrounded by love, and best of all I finally have a sense that I am okay.  Thought I would never get to that place, but I have.   It truly has been worth the 20 years on this journey to wholeness.    I was fragmented for soooooo long.  Never knew who I was, what I felt or thought.  In order to be loved I wore a mask. People thought I was the life of the party, but on the inside I was dying.  Dying a slow death.  I feel alive having experienced all of me.  I feel intergrated and not so fragmented.  Wow, I believe I am a walking miracle.  I have my faith in a loving God that He would guide me and He has.  For that I am grateful.  I also believe when you are given this gift of healing, it is only right to pass it on.