It felt good that my husband went to my EMDR therapy last night.  What my therapist explained is that the brain of a survivor who has experienced long term trauma is that the brain functions differently than those who have not been traumatized. I react a lot quicker to things and feel them differently.  She was quite knowledgeable about how the brain functions.  I beleive that my husband had a different way of looking at the triggers I go thru living with his mother.What my husband she explained can just get over I cannot get over as well.When I am being abused, I need to process it, need to have quiet time to see what my plan of action is.  Usually it is  isolating.  Going to the computer and either writing a poem, playing games on the computer or coming here where I feel safe and express what I am going thru in a post or just read others post so I know I am not alone.Going away from the negative environment is keeping my self safe from any further harm.  As a child I could not do that. I had to keep taking it and taking and taking it.  I know I have improved in my self esteem issues since I just will not take any crap from anyone, my mother in law included.  What I would like to work on is acceptance.  She is 90 years old,. cannot receive love as she told me the other day, by saying when I touch her, comfort her she feels uncomfortable.  She cannot receive love, so I do not kiss her goodbye now, do not comfort her because she can't handle it.  I will try to respect that she is uncomfortable and not take it personally.  Funny thing is she does accept it from her neice and nephew, but not from me.  I can still walk away with my self esteem intact.  I was taking it as rejection because rejection is what I have been used to.  It is not rejection.  It is her inability to receive love.  Sad that she cannot, but that is her issue.  I have tried to fill the void in her and have been unsuccessful in doing so.