So here I sit at my computer. Had a rough morning feeling very anxious about how I am feeling. I prayed to God that He would hear my prayer and heal my mind. I drove my resident from the group home to work which is a half hour away. I prayed that God would keep me and David safe since I have not been thinking very clearly. Scary to not have control over one's mind. I think I am experiencing a memory, a rape, which I have not see visually. Add onto that the stress of my mother in law, knowing that she will be meanspirited again. It is my childhood all over again. Might not have the sexual abuse and the physical abuse, but the verbal abuse can be so triggering to me. I need to find a place that is safe for Little Jeanette to heal. I cannot heal in a place that is not nuturing my soul. I sit here feeling not as anxious as I did when I woke up. I know that my diabetes is not in control. Waking up to a high blood sugar is not helping as well. All of this creates stress, and not stress I am asking for. I am in the process of tranferring to another job, one where I will have a normal 8-5 hours. I love the developmentally challenged people I work with, but this transfer will allow me to NOT be home as much with my mother in law. My hope is that I get the job. When I am at work I feel valued, I feel respected and I do the same for my residents. I nuture their souls and in turn that nutures my soul. When I go to my next EMDR therapy, I will ask the therapist to help me stay in a safe place while at home. My husband is going as well, and I will ask if my therapist can help my husband understand exactly what I am going thru having PTSD. Maybe a professional explaining to him about triggers will give him a better understanding of what I go thru living here. That is my hope. For now I am hanging on. Think the stress of my mother in law has finally gotten to me. It is very important that I nuture Little Jeanette right now. She is scared because she does not know what is going on. It will reveal itself sooner or later. KNowing what I am going thru helps me to be in that place and not have this fear. I can then tell myself this too will pass.
Replies
This too will pass. Just keep telling yourself that. You are right that verbal abuse can be just as bad as physical and sexual abuse. Don\'t let her have the upper hand. Take control of her in your life. Find that safe place that Little Jeanette can be comfortable in. I know with the help of your therapist this will be do-able. It is good that your husband is going to therapy as well. I found that a lot of times if my therapist explained things to John, he understood better than if I tried to explain things to him. Let us know how you are doing and hang in there. Good luck with the job.
--Debbie
well i do hope get that job I dosen\'t sound like is very healthy for you to around your mother-in-law..i will keep you in my thoughts
Just some comments about this. I took my husband, who at the time was my boyfriend, to one of my therapy sessions so he could try to understand what I was all about. He has gone to several sessions and they have helped especially with my need to isolate myself at times and with the triggers. I hope this helps your husband understand. However I get so upset because this crap is also so complex at times it can confuse me just like it is you right now.
We haven\'t been married a year yet but I am finding out my mother in law will be a challenge as well. She has never visited us since her son moved to be with me but when I know she is going to visit I sure I will be a total basket case for weeks.
BTW good luck with the job. Take care. Jenna
Thank all of you for your support. I know that whatever God\'s will is in my life, I will accept what comes my way. What I will not accept is abuse, clear and simple. Maybe the energy in this house is not good. There is a negativity which I think only a survivor can feel when around people or environments take them back to the abuse.